I love this article and it is relevant to a current question I have- am I and my spouse working with a good counselor for us?
I am the NT wife and the counselor now sees the nature of the relationship after 4 months of therapy. The counselor confirmed it to me yesterday. However, the counselor also expressed concerns over informing ND spouse of autism citing that it could be very difficult for him and he might take it as a negative label, send him spiraling (at least that is my understanding of what was said). The approach the counselor is planning to take is to help each of us understand the different needs we have. He would help us understand the “differences” we have without using the word autism.
I have questions about this approach. I can see how easing into a self understanding is a good idea. However I think that withholding this understanding to the autistic individual would limit their ability to understand themselves and thereby leaves them feeling stuck, shame, misunderstood, and with limited self advocacy and growth in self awareness.
So I have three questions:
1- is my perspective described in the prior paragraph because of the lens I have and not accurate of his lens?
2- should my spouse be made aware and if so how or when?
Hello, Veronica - Thank you for your comment. I am glad to know that my article is helpful to you. The questions you raise are questions that come up frequently in my work. They demonstrate that you are both thoughtful and respectful.
Because I am certain that there are others who have had a similar experience and are wondering how to make sense of it, I'd like to share my response with the whole ND Couple community, so I am writing a full article to address them in detail.
Please let me know whether my response covers your concerns adequately. Warm regards to you.
I love this article and it is relevant to a current question I have- am I and my spouse working with a good counselor for us?
I am the NT wife and the counselor now sees the nature of the relationship after 4 months of therapy. The counselor confirmed it to me yesterday. However, the counselor also expressed concerns over informing ND spouse of autism citing that it could be very difficult for him and he might take it as a negative label, send him spiraling (at least that is my understanding of what was said). The approach the counselor is planning to take is to help each of us understand the different needs we have. He would help us understand the “differences” we have without using the word autism.
I have questions about this approach. I can see how easing into a self understanding is a good idea. However I think that withholding this understanding to the autistic individual would limit their ability to understand themselves and thereby leaves them feeling stuck, shame, misunderstood, and with limited self advocacy and growth in self awareness.
So I have three questions:
1- is my perspective described in the prior paragraph because of the lens I have and not accurate of his lens?
2- should my spouse be made aware and if so how or when?
1 - is this counselor a good fit?
Hello, Veronica - Thank you for your comment. I am glad to know that my article is helpful to you. The questions you raise are questions that come up frequently in my work. They demonstrate that you are both thoughtful and respectful.
Because I am certain that there are others who have had a similar experience and are wondering how to make sense of it, I'd like to share my response with the whole ND Couple community, so I am writing a full article to address them in detail.
Please let me know whether my response covers your concerns adequately. Warm regards to you.
I did see the article and yes it was very helpful. I am looking forward to reading the whole series. Thank you!
I'm happy to hear this!
Thank you for your thoughtful and informative article. You provide hope in a difficult relationship dynamic.