I realize that a great deal of what I write is geared toward the neurotypical partner. Here is the main reason why this is the case: most of the questions I receive come from neurotypical partners wanting to understand their autistic partners and improve their neurodiverse relationships.
However, at this time I’d like to take a minute to talk to the autistic partners. You may not ask as many questions, but I know from my work with neurodiverse couples that this does not mean you don’t have any. Let’s assume in this article that the man is autistic and the woman is neurotypical, though in my practice this is not always the case and may not be the case for you.
The thing that autistic partners bring up most frequently in couple sessions is this:
“I do everything I can to be a good partner. It never seems to be enough and I never seem to do the right thing.”
I can always sense the pain behind this comment. It comes from years of frustrated attempts to meet vaguely understood needs from a ne…