IN SESSION: "My autistic partner is admired and respected at work"
Why can't he be that same person at home?
One of the topics that comes up frequently in sessions with neurodiverse couples is this:
The neurotypical partner struggles to understand how her autistic partner can appear to be two completely different people at work and at home.
The autistic partner struggles to understand this as well because it is not something he does on purpose.
The neurotypical partner asks:
“At work, everyone thinks he’s wonderful. He’s respected among his peers and in the community. Everyone loves him. He’s very successful. But when he comes home, it’s as if he’s an entirely different person, as if he saves his very worst possible behavior for me. He’s moody. Inconsiderate. I may as well not even be there.
I know he says things to me he would never say at work - not just because they’re about personal topics but because they’re so hurtful, so selfish, so disrespectful.
Does he know how much this affects me? Does he even know he’s doing it? Sometimes, I feel he’d be happier if I weren’t even there.”